The Humble Hobbit life lessons.

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The Hobbit, and its characters offer some great insights.

Over the weekend I saw the movie The Hobbit: an unexpected journey with my friends L & L.

I just love stories like this and being a Kiwi revel in seeing my glorious country on the big screen. Hearing Crowded House’s Neil Finn is always a treat. And of course I am loyal Peter Jackson fan of many years, see Brain Dead (warning - nauseous making) and my all time favourite Meet the Feebles – a Muppets meets the Soprano’s film depicting characterizations within the entertainment industry. I saw it many years ago and I still giggle at the thought. Irreverent to say the least.

Now the current Hobbit creation his is based on a fantasy tale written by J. R .R. Tolkien, a classic in science fiction circles and an enchanting read, highly recommended to all.  Watching the picture unfold with my choc top in hand, I was excited in my 3 d glasses.

A journey into ones values and character.

You see it is a Quest. And as the Quest unfolds each player’s character is developed a little further, much as we are as we continue to grow in our life quest. How will you develop your character in 2013?

This adventure joins together an unlikely bunch that ultimately becomes a band of brothers (the importance of family and relationships). They are not all intrepid adventurers, with Bilbo Baggins (A.K.A The Hobbit, no spoiler alert as the book has been in publication since 1937) a reluctant 14^th member of the party assembled to seek the treasure held by the dragon Smaug.

Wizard Gandalf is the quest assembler. He is a wise mentor of indeterminate age but infinite wisdom; we all need to find our inner Wizard to call on at times. He also sometimes simply does not what to do but will try something. Perhaps you can relate?  Can you be your own Mentor to turn to for sage advice?

Now Bilbo, being a Hobbit is the smallest and least battle seasoned member of the 14. He has no real talents to speak of and is scorned by Dwarven King Thorin. Bilbo almost gives in to his homesickness for the Shire hearth of his, but pride keeps him going.

Lucky for Thorin who is saved from certain death with the actions of a plucky hobbit.  In the next scenes Thorin recognizes his error of judgment and apologizes to a humble Bilbo. I am a big believer a well-timed sincere apology can be a relationship saver, if not a lifesaver!

While Dwarves are small in stature, they are strong in hand and heart, with fierce loyalties and often-fixed beliefs. Their enemies are the Elves, who are pragmatists and opted out of battle they believed they had no part in.

Eventually they will have to challenge their rigid beliefs and put their enmity aside with the Elves, as they all need to turn to each other to fight the approaching evil. Where in your life can you redefine your relationships and let go of past battle scars?

Gollum is one of my favourite characters. I actually have a statuette of him that sits proudly in front of my computer. He is frightening to behold, downright fugly. Very young children are afraid of him, and many adults despise him. Why do I love Gollum?

I believe it is for his frailty. It’s easy to love the strong handsome Elves but watching his internal struggle playing out on the screen talking to his “precious” and whether he listen to his dark side or his morality, he is endearing to me. Perhaps this is like listening to your intuition, the good in all of us that exists but needs to be acted upon.

I guess because I believe we all have a bit of him in us – Jung’s shadow side. That dark part that sits in contrast to the lightness of being. Vital for vulnerability it is ultimately what brings us closer into contact with our humanity and intimacy.

Up to you now.

What will your Quest be for this year? What treasure will you discover through your relationships with other and your journey through the months?

My Quest for you is to put your adventure and dreams on paper, starting today.

Know that relationship coaching can help you build your dreams, with a mentor by your side to help guide you through the tricky bits.

Find your treasure today.

 Please call 0434 55 90 11 if you are determined to resolve your problems and want to get started on your best life now, not later now. Start as you mean to go on.

Please visit my websites for more information.

Taking the time..with our children, with ourselves.

Reading Angela Mollard's Wise Words column in the Sunday magazine of the Telegraph titled Too busy for life, quality not quantity, helps a child grow says Angela - I had to agree.

Working with parents I often hear the person, ( usually a mum) or couples life has been sidelined or worse overtaken all together with the busy-ness of raising children.

I often feel a pang of regret for the children who are seem to be over-scheduled to within an inch of their lives, wondering how this effects their developing personality. Are we raising mini adults modelling for them a state of anxiety induced by the need to be a good swimmer, dancer, soccer player you name it. Where did we forget fun in our little ones childhood?

Never mind what the effects are on a partnership, as people walk into my door wrung out with tiredness in search of relationship help.

I often coach the need to re-prioritise the relationship, the friendship and love for the forlorn forgotten couple. When this relationship is strengthened, children's security needs are met in a far deeper and more meaningful level than any sporting event or performance.

Interestingly I started this post with other ideas in mind, but as I was writing this is what came through my my dealings with the people I work with.

 Parents are also partners, whether you are together or not. So I encourage you to be there for mate and not sideline your relationship but put it centre stage as the model you wish for yourself and your children - the best lessons you can give your child are the ones they see within your relationship.

Need help to get back on track - try some relationship coaching with me at Marriage Works

Best Wishes Philipa

You have to Laugh.

Evolutionary Psychology  Professor Robyn Dunbar of Oxford researching laughter says " we've all heard the phrase 'laugh until it hurts', that pain isn't metaphoric but sustained laughter can be both painful and exhausting. This can be your new exercise as it has a similar physiological response to exercise the study reveals.

It makes sense there is a physical and emotional action. Yoga laughter advocates the benefits of laughing but the research published 2012 in  Proceedings of the Royal Society B, suggests it is also a physical work out - no joke! Apologies for that pun. So get your chortle on.

Read Gretchen Reynolds article in the Sydney Morning Herald - You have to laugh for the full story and keep your perspective people.

So laugh hard, laugh long, and laugh with others !

Best wishes Philipa
 Psych Solutions, Your Sydney Counselling Psychologist.

The Royal Commission into child sexual abuse - a great step for victims

As a psychologist I see many victims of childhood and adult sexual abuse. Incredibly most people are well adjusted but invariably tend to have relationship difficulties.

The Government decision to have a Royal Commission is to be congratulated!
Institutions, need to be accountable and especially those not currently so - read religious orders, we should all be open to scrutiny and transparency.

People need to have faith in the integrity of the people in positions of power and there are checks and processes to protect them.

I work under the Australian Psychological Society's Code of Ethics and am a mandatory reporter, who in employment has been subject to what is known as a working with children criminal check.

I believe abuse continues in darkness and behind closed doors, we do need to speak out about the effects of this on people.

I specialise in working with people to heal in this form of trauma, that often leads to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety and Depression using specific trauma techniques that are fast, effective and efficient in the recovery process. I really feel privileged in the work I do and the courage it takes for people who have survived this experience.

Please visit my websites - Psych Solutions NSW;  www.psychsolutions.net.au or www.marriageworks.com.au

Thanks and please believe your children and keep them safe!
Best Wishes Philipa